Chantry Influence? Where?
by Reyavie
Summary: Dear Mages, want to get rid of your Templar issues? By all means, listen to Warden Commander Amell's presentation and learn all you need to know.


_**AN** - I blame ChampTheWonderSnail for this. You can go to her for demands over this piece of idiocy._

* * *

><p>The basic knowledge a person should hold about the Warden Commander Amell is simple. She doesn't play with the whole deck. She is inconsistent, unpredictable and she always, always does the one thing that shouldn't be done.<p>

It was no wonder Cullen starts to run the second she has gone missing, searching for her in the one way which brings immediate results.

"Where in the city are you having problems?"

"Excuse me?"

The guard clearly expects something else from a former-Templar. He also expected far more from a Warden but guess what he got saddled with? A Commander whose prime objective in life is turn his upside down and then sideways. The other's opinion doesn't matter for the present situation. He remembers the way Diana had seemed the night before; like a lion inside a cage, pacing from side to side in agitation. So much that he had felt necessary to smite her at some points just to avoid her out-of-control magic. Another thing to join to the basic information about his wife. When out of control, bad things happened.

"Something burning? A revolt? Public brawling? Where?" He elaborates, inwardly praying that he wasn't too late to avoid a disaster.

Unfortunately, he arrives too late. Way too late. Exactly when the blonde haired wonder is leaving the Grand Cathedral, two Wardens behind her, an old, grouchy looking woman hanging on their arms.

He doesn't need a pamphlet to understand this. Sadly.

"You conscripted the Divine."

She smiles like he has just told her birthday is coming earlier, wide eyed and innocent looking. "Yep."

"You conscripted the Divine," he repeats slowly. "The _Divine_."

"I heard you very well the first time. You articulate words nicely."

His head isn't hurting. It's merely broken in a thousand little shards. "Are you _insane_?"

"Nope." The Commander shrugs a little, patting non-existent dust from her sparkling robes. "Just currently sporting incredibly Templar filled up barracks. I'm getting pretty tired of conscripting them."

"But the _Divine_? She is an old woman!"

"And quite handy at potions, I've been told. Fade, I would conscript the King and the First Warden if the two idiots weren't Wardens already. It would make my life so damned easier."

Cullen learned a long before Diana says exactly what she thinks. Which means she isn't joking, she is quite serious and perhaps he should write to both men and warn them to remain out of her bad side. It's what he does. Constantly.

"Come on, honey," she says amiably, gripping his arm in that way which warns there might be a couch in his near future if he doesn't stop acting like an old preacher. "It's not like I'll actually make her drink the thing. Chances are she'll just pass out due to fear on the way. And ta-dah! No more Templars at the door! You really don't want me to keep Greagoir when he shows up, do you?"

His nose wrinkles involuntarily, his hand searching for hers and entwining with even less prompt. What else can he do bar nod and agree? Not like he can change her mind or undermine her authority by disagreeing publicly. And she is sort of right.

The former Templar pretends not to see Diana's smirk, loud and clear during the whole time they walk back to the lodge. The alternative is much more satisfying. It involves a mage in good humor, no bad temper and no couch.

* * *

><p><strong>The Following Morning<strong>

"Where is the Commander?"

The guard raises an eyebrow, silent and grave.

"Your Lady is having breakfast with the Empress, Ser."

_Oh. No. She wouldn't. Right. Right? _

_... Shit. _

Cullen starts running.

* * *

><p><strong>xxxXXXxxx<strong>

**How to end the Chantry's Influence on the Wardens.**

**Step one.** Conscript the Mothers who come to teach you the Canticle of Transfiguration every single week.

**Step two.** Conscript the Templars who follow.

**Step three.** When that fails, conscript the Divine.

**Step four.** Make sure you wear the pants and your Templar's properly whipped.

**Personal Journal, Warden-Commander Diana Amell of Ferelden.**


End file.
